Back in the Closet

Doug: I'll explain to you how 'compression' works. Let me grab a piece of paper...
James : Er, wait, is this going to be like you trying to explain what 'going up a third' means in music?
Doug: Yes. 
James: I need more pie. 

I have finally set up my home studio, complete with baffler, pop-blocker and Samson mic. Got it connected to my laptop, which has the recording application Audacity installed. Despite my extensive reading, I was still feeling a little unclear as to recording levels; I felt a bit "Hey, let's put on a show, I got an old sheet for a curtain!"amateurish. This despite Doug's detailed drawing on a napkin of a sound wave before and after compression (my translation: "roller coaster ride up and down wheeee!" followed by "oh the roller coaster has been flattened by a giant stick it's not so fun to ride anymore"). Luckily, I have not one but two sound technician friends who offered their advice not only on equipment but recording setup as well.

So I'm good to go. Here's a look:

I've got a little bulletin-board strip above to pin my copy on. 

Impressive, yah? Now pull back:

Not so pretty now, is it?

Wait a minute! That there recording studio is in... a closet! Yes, it's true. The closet helps with the acoustics of the sound, so that it's not so "live." (If you have trouble understanding this, there's a napkin from Doug with your name on it.) It also helps cut off street noise, though not noise from our loud-ass conjure in the study who insists on doing alarm impressions whenever I step into the closet ("Don't hide!" it's screeching,  "Be proud of who you are! Remember Stonewall! I have a brain the size of a macadamia nut!")

Bird has to go into the bedroom. Closet door must be shut:

Just get a woolen blanket to throw over the glass, and I'll be like Viggo Mortensen in the root cellar in "The Road." Except instead of food I'll have old tax returns and paper from Staples. 

Did a test audio and sent it off to my agents, who seemed happy. So I'm good to go. I can stay at home and go to auditions at the same time! Only thing is—I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I need some human interaction. Adult humans. Please, please... send help.

I'll be in the closet.